Eric Cartman

It's only a matter of time until Mel Gibson rules us all

(no subject)
[Hey Jess]
Wow, has it really been a year since I wrote in this thing? Fucking bizarre. I completely forgot about this. Not really surprising since I was more concerned with my pregnant girlfriend.

I still feel pretty fucking gay writing in this, but whatever. Why not? Bebe likes them, and I prefer a happy Bebe.

So, what the fuck has happened in this shockingly dull and dreary year?

Bebe moved in with me and mom. We were going to get our own place, but mom insisted. Which is good cause I can't imagine how fucking hard it would be to do this alone. I'm sure Bebs and I would have dropped out at this point. I'm sure everyone is getting the huge god damned hint by all of this to mean that we had the kid. Her name is Jessica Emily Cartman-Stevens.

Mom and Stephanie switch back and forth between babysitting duties whilst Bebe and I go to school. Bebe comes home in the afternoons and I go to work. Still an apprentice. Rob won't let be become a pro until I graduate, the fucker. 500$ a week, 300$ per client. But, due to the shitty economy, we haven't been getting as many clients. I'm scared I'm going to get the axe because of it.

And...that's about it, really. It's sort of shell shocking to realise that it's been a year and everything has been completely normal. It's weird to me. I'm so used to fucking crazy shit happening. We haven't even had Visitors around, as of late. South Park settling into a sense of normalcy?

And I still can't seem to relax. I still wake up every morning expecting the other shoe to drop again and crap to pick back up. Like Trent getting released, or the town getting invaded by demons from Silent Hill or some other bullshit like that.

Well, I gotta go bathe Jess and put her to bed while Bebe does her homework.

(no subject)
Even with the coming out of Bebe and mine's relationship, things have been pretty dull.

I figured more people would be like SHOCK GASP WHOA. But most people have been like, yeah saw that coming a mile away.

Were we that obvious? I guess it just goes to show you how far up her own vagina Wendy's head was shoved, but, whatever. It's still nice to be able to open up with this shit. I don't have to hide it anymore. I like to think people respect me for manning up and accepting the fact that, yeah, I knocked Bebe up. And I'm sticking by her. I suppose it's a move that's rather uncharacteristic of my selfishness. But I love Bebe and I love Jessica. And I'm going to take care of them, even if it kills me.

Kyle, too. You're uncle Kyle, you dirty Jew. All of you guys are uncles. I'm seriously.

School is going alright, and work is normal. I love my job, and if it weren't for the fact that I could make more by finishing up with high school just as I finish my apprenticeship, then I would drop out. But, bossman says that I could make like, 500$ more a week if I finish high school, plus another 300$ for my apprenticeship. That's good fucking money. And I have a family to take care of.

Speaking of work. Back to it.

Back in action!
So school started today. Epic fail, like shit.

Schedule is as follows

I only have to go half a day. Haha.Collapse )

I have an assignment in Dover this weekend working with some gay hippie magazine. They're paying me 250$ per shot plus I'm getting on the cover which is an extra 500$.

Big assignment is big. Yes.

Court in the morning
Do not want

Thank Fucking Jesus, I am home at last.

Oh my bed, oh my desktop, my vanity, my gaming systems that I now have two of

My clothes, my bathroom. Trent's cologne and cigarettes.

I can lounge around naked. I don't have to wake up to the sound of people fucking at 4:00 am. My own food. Dear lord, I can cook again. SOUTH PARK WITNESS PROTECTION FUCKING SUUUUUUUUUUUUCKS.

Either way, I got a 25,000$ check, plus I'm getting paid for going to court as Witness Testimony for having my door painted in blood. Rollin' in fucking dough.

(no subject)
You know what? I'm really tired of angsting over what ifs and what might have beens in reference to relationships. Hell, I'm just tired of angsting over relationships in general. First Trent, and now Kenny.

Yeah, I'm reading over the wank between Ike and Kenny. Yeah, I know Kenny has a boyfriend and he is being compared to me. Am I hurt? Not gonna deny it. Yeah, I'm hurt. But you know what? Kenny's happy. And that's all that matters to me.

I have Bebe to protect, and I'm back together with Kyle. We made it official last night.

So what if some stranger is being given the opportunity that I've been hoping for? He's obviously superior to me in some way thats getting Kenny to accept his help. He's obviously doing a better job than I ever could.

And Kenny's happy.

And Bebe is wailing about the Tornado, I must go protect her.

(no subject)
Hey Lizzie

You and I should get together and jam out to some fucking Zepplin, dude. Or we could get Stan to join in, he has a fairly decent singing voice.

(no subject)
So, today is father's day.

I don't have a dad.

So I just called my mom.

She's doing well. She says she misses me.

And that was it. I wish Bebe would cut off that fucking nigger music. Hate that shit.

At the demands of Bebe
Behold... My Future
I will marry Kyle Broflovski.
After a wild honeymoon, We will settle down in New York in our fabulous Apartment.
We will have 6 kid(s) together.
Our family will zoom around in a Black like my soul Stan\'s peice of shit Lisa.
I will spend my days as a homeless, and live happily ever after.
whats your future

(no subject)
I just spent the entire day with the Park County Police. Bebe and I both did.

We're now under witness protection and are in an undisclosed location. They kept us blindfolded on the way over here, so we don't know where we are. We have fake IDs, credit cards and social security cards.

So yeah.

I'd tell you more, but I'm not allowed to. I'm sure an official report and photos will be released in a few days.


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