Eric Cartman

It's only a matter of time until Mel Gibson rules us all

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You know what? I'm really tired of angsting over what ifs and what might have beens in reference to relationships. Hell, I'm just tired of angsting over relationships in general. First Trent, and now Kenny.

Yeah, I'm reading over the wank between Ike and Kenny. Yeah, I know Kenny has a boyfriend and he is being compared to me. Am I hurt? Not gonna deny it. Yeah, I'm hurt. But you know what? Kenny's happy. And that's all that matters to me.

I have Bebe to protect, and I'm back together with Kyle. We made it official last night.

So what if some stranger is being given the opportunity that I've been hoping for? He's obviously superior to me in some way thats getting Kenny to accept his help. He's obviously doing a better job than I ever could.

And Kenny's happy.

And Bebe is wailing about the Tornado, I must go protect her.

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His 'boyfriend' is a piece of shit, trust me.

And yet, you're yelling at Ike?

Look, I know Ike said some shitty things, but I think he was trying to make a point. And he did, which is what spawned this.

Kenny's under the impression that I some how look down on him for being poor. He's poor, yeah, but I don't hate him for it. He can't help it, neither of you can. It's not your choice to have been born into what you were.


The fact that you're letting a nine year old get under your skin about stupid shit that you "don't care about" says a lot. You aren't as uncaring and callous as you make out to be.

But he hit the nail on the head with the things that he told Kenny. And even though I thought we had some sort of understanding, apparently not. Kenny's still accusing me of abandoning him.

It hurts, to be frank. Call me a faggot if you want, I don't care. I've done everything I can to make sure your cousin has been well taken care of since he came back and...someone else gets his love.

Yelling at Ike has nothing to do with the boyfriend.

Yelling at Ike has everything to do with him sticking his nose in our family's business. Kenny's boyfriend has nothing to do with our family, or any of the rotten things our dads do to us and our siblings.

I'm not mad at you, and I'm not mad about Ike making the point about the boyfriend, all I care about is the smack about the family.

We already know we're losers, we don't need some snot nosed brat accusing us of growing up to emulate the family we hate. We're gunna be better than that.

And you're not being a faggot, I get how you feel, okay? You think I don't feel the same way when Heidi's gushing all over Bebe?

I'll tell you a secret about Ike and Kyle.

They're in the same boat you guys are.

I'll let you figure that one out.

I'm sure you do.

either way, it's fine. I'm blubbering all over Bebe.

What, shit parents?

Because you sure as hell don't mean money issues.

She must love that.

Since when?

They've got a lawyer dad, and their mom.. well, I dunno what she does, but lawyer don't get paid cheap.

He hasn't gotten a case in almost three months

They're dirt poor. Food stamps and all

Fucking shit, dude. I didn't know that.

Not that I, ya know, feel bad or anything.. s'bout time someone around here realized how it feels to live like me and Kenny do.

Now all he needs is for his mom to run away and his dad to feel him up.

You better fucking protect me, boy.

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